one tiny soapbox: for marriage prospects...
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Wednesday, July 15

for marriage prospects...

or about three six 7+ years, now, I've been using a number of "Christian" web sites in my search for a spouse. To that end, I thought it a good idea to share my entire profile from the one site that I'd consider my favorite. (That is...I would consider it my favorite, if it weren't for the fact that it still has relatively few female members (shucks!)...which is kinda sad, because, the authenticity and intent of its owner seem superior to any I've encountered, so far.) Anyhoo... what follows has been posted "for your reading enjoyment."

(Those curious about why I am divorced will note that I address this question briefly, below. More insight can be had by visiting this post. Any & all questions are welcome, thereafter. Soli Deo Gloria!)

Gender: Definitely male
Age: 40+
Country: United States
State: California
City: Los Angeles
Zip Code: 91353
Title: "Marriage-Minded"
My height is: 6' 3/4"
My build is: Slender
My eyes are: Brown
My hair is: Fleeing Fast!
My view on smoking: I don't smoke or prefer to be around smoke, much.
My view on drinking: I rarely drink
My level of education is: Bachelor's Degree
Marital Status: Divorced
On the subject of children: I've 1 boy, but prefer at least 1 more (a girl?). as many as the LORD will bless me with!
My ideal place to live is: Near a very large body of water. And some mountains.
Looking for: Marriage & Children!
Race (Select ALL that you would prefer to date.): "Any"
Denomination: Non-denominational
What type of work do you do?: Sales and Marketing This is changing as I write this
My sense of humor is most like: The Saturday Night Live skit that never aired!
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Activities/Interests: Amusement Parks, Bike, Boat Excursions , Bowling, Camping, Canoe/Kayaking, Cards, Puzzles, Board Games , Computers, Fitness, Go-Kart Racing , Hiking, Hot Springs, Miniature Golf , Museums, Music/Vocals, Photography, Pool, Scenic Drives, Softball, Theatre , Vacations, Retreats, Package Deals & Tours, Volleyball, Volunteering, Walking, Water Parks , Whitewater River Rafting
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Age range desired?: [My conception of this has been changing, lately.]
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Additional Activities: Open to new experiences.
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How old were you when you were drawn to Christ and how is your Christian walk these days?: Though I formerly believed I was saved in my teens, I'm now all but convinced the Lord regenerated me in mid-2004. I'm almost daily faced with the reality of my sinfulness and inherent unworthiness to be Elect unto salvation! This compels me to continually seek to lean on Him for all goodness in obeying His Word.

Fortunately, I've been immeasurably blessed to be a part of an extremely sound church where we are continually taught the necessity of being both "hearers" and "doers" of the matchless Word of Christ.
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How have the Doctrines of Grace changed or affected your life?: Whereas once I was Arminian, foolishly believing man is able to "choose" righteousness by himself, I now see how utterly Sovereign our great and awesome God is! This important realization - along with the numerous ways in which Providence has illustrated it, since - has led me to an increasing trust in the Strength of His Omnipotent hand, which will continue to sustain and preserve me 'til the end!
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Are you content being single? Why? If not, why?: Yes...I know full well my marital status does not define my joy. At the same time, the desire I have to be married is strong and proper, and so compels me to be proactive in my search for a Godly, marriage-minded (attractive) Helper.
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Do you have a “Quiet Time”? What are you studying?: Yes. I haven't been using any study materials, simply praying, listening to and reading the Scriptures. Love my ESV Listener's Bible! (My intent is to eventually begin learning how to exegete, using Greek and Hebrew aids...but I'm not there, yet)
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What are four qualities your friends would attribute to you?: 1) Comedic & playful
2) Smart
3) Good conversationalist (listening & articulating)
4) Loyal & true (I keep my word)
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What are you most passionate about?: Seeing people come into a clear understanding of the Scriptures.
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Other than your parents, who has been the most influential person in your life and how?: I'll list two:
1) My pastor, John F MacArthur, followed closely by...
2) My very good Friend Stephen
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What are three things you are most thankful for?: 1) The Triune God
2) My Election
3) My Church family
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Who is your favorite Biblical Character and why?: Peter, because he confessed openly his foolish sinfulness, and often tangibly illustrated the truth of it. And yet, these things left Christ's Election of him unmitigated and he was even set as one of the founding pillars of our Glorious church heritage.
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Describe the character and personality traits you enjoy in another person? What are yours?: I'd appreciate most a woman who actively takes responsibility for her own sinfulness, and who is thoughtful, warm, affectionate and genuinely nice, as I, too, am widely regarded as a really "nice" guy and, as such, try to avert needless conflict or negative emotional flare-ups.

Someone who can be assertive *without* being aggressive or forward, as I like to (mainly) be the "initiator." Yet, neither do I care much for elusiveness or "mystique," as I'm a fairly direct communicator, and appreciate at least some measure of the same.

Someone who *delights* in being "low-maintenance" and living simply, as my vocational ambitions are not extravagant and so I may not be able to offer a life of increasing luxury.

Someone who is committed to Biblical Womanhood, as pictured in Eph. 5; 1 Peter 3; Titus 2, & 1 Tim. 2 & 5 (see also: 'The Excellent Wife' by Martha Peace). Who is "family-minded" instead of career-minded, as I desire to be the primary, if not sole financial provider and to have children who are blessed with a home-school experience.

Someone who has a *high* regard for healthy eating and physical fitness, mirroring my own.

Last, but far from least, I would consider it a great honor to be fully entrusted by a woman with the (humbling) task of being her sole spiritual leader. I realize the issue of "submission" is often a tender one, especially in a world filled with men who are clueless about what it means to lead through sacrifice and service. However, one of my greatest desires is to absolutely contravene this wicked trend of society by imitating the self-less Love of Christ in a marriage relationship. This would take many forms, not the least of which would be leading my wife (& children) into the increasing Light of Scripture. I believe this would bring me joy like few other endeavors!
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What contributed most to your previous relationship/marriage not continuing? How long have you been on your own since this relationship and what did you learn from the experience?: Simply put: my ex-wife (how I dislike that term) chose to leave clearly out of disobedience to the Scriptures. Though I'm absolutely certain I was leaps and bounds from the ideal husband, she made it clear from the start that her choosing to leave was about her own choices, not mine.

She started speaking of leaving in Dec. '03, physically left in July '04, and filed for divorce in Nov. '04. The divorce was final in June '06.

Besides some specific ways in which to be and do better next time, I learned to be clear about what’s most important in a wife. I also learned that, no matter how careful one is, one simply can’t control nor always foresee all the "unfavorable" outcomes (consequently, my trust in Christ has grown immeasurably). More importantly, I learned that, just like my ex-wife, I'm a wretched sinner...prone to disobey at times ("prone to wander, Lord I feel it...prone to leave the One I love")! But, again, I love the fact that I am shored up by His Omnipotent Hand, which will preserve me 'til the end!
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Do you have any favorite lines from movies, poems, songs, hymns or Scripture you would like to tell us about?: Top 2 Favorite Songs: O Sacred Head Now Wounded, O the Deep, Deep Love of Jesus (and almost any classic hymn in a minor key). Of course, there are others. Why not ask me which ones?

Favorite Bible passages:

> Matthew 16:24-27 (ESV) Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his life? Or what shall a man give in return for his life? For the Son of Man is going to come with his angels in the glory of his Father, and then he will repay each person according to what he has done."

Boy, what a challenge to the unBeliever, and sobering call to the professing Believer who has failed to self-examine. This is the heart of the Gospel! Which stands in such stark contrast to the feel-good message passed off as the Gospel far too often.
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> John 13:6-10 (ESV) He came to Simon Peter, who said to him, "Lord, are you going to wash my feet?" Jesus replied, "You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand." "No," said Peter, "you shall never wash my feet." Jesus answered, "Unless I wash you, you have no part with me." "Then, Lord," Simon Peter replied, "not just my feet but my hands and my head as well!" Jesus answered, "A person who has had a bath needs only to wash his feet; his whole body is clean. And you are clean, but not every one of you [here referring to Judas Iscariot]."

Gotta love that Peter. And what sweet, blessed fellowship those who Believe have been granted by our merciful, gracious King...both with Him and with each other!
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> Luke 24:32 (ESV) "They said to each other, 'Did not our hearts burn within us while he talked to us on the road, while he opened to us the Scriptures?'."

This verse describes how I am, in part, and how I strive to be, in whole! I would *love* to meet an attractive woman who *most deeply and thoroughly* seeks to have her heart aflame with a passion for having the Word or Christ dwell richly within, guiding her at every turn and ever aiming her affections toward the Eternal Horizon.
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> Psalm 8:4 (ESV) "When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, WHAT IS MAN THAT YOU ARE MINDFUL OF HIM, AND THE SON OF MAN THAT YOU CARE FOR HIM?”

This passage so accurately reflects the profound, incredulous perplexity I experience whenever pondering the seeming “injustice” exhibited in the Lord’s Amazing Grace [!!!]
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What type of work do/did you do? How long have you been/were you in that line of work? Do/you enjoy it?: In March of '07, I started a new job working in sales support for a national tax advisory firm.

Within 2-5 years, I'd like to succeed at establishing my budding home-based business so I can leave the work-force permanently.
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Do you have any life-long goals? What are they?: *Possibly* enter some form of full-time, vocational or volunteer ministry, if the Lord would have me do so...I can envision no more worthy vocation for myself than that of accurately learning and teaching the precious Word of God to others. I can even see myself one day working in a foreign mission field...with the invaluable support of a very willing Helper, of course!

(Then there's the other, less important stuff, like: learn a few languages; drive an RV cross country; travel the world; etc, etc, etc.)
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How do you enjoy your leisure time? What do you do for recreation?: I enjoy singing, playfulness, spontaneity, leaving dishes in the sink sometimes (c; and having all manner of new experiences – heck, I’m open to trying virtually anything...once! I'm equally comfortable outdoors camping, hiking or cycling as I am cuddling (yes, cuddling!) on the couch with snacks and a good movie. (BUT, with two bad knees, going for a jog is out of the question!)
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Where were you born and where have you traveled?: Born and raised in Minneapolis, Minnesota. Have since lived in: Tulsa, Oklahoma; Chicago, Illinois; Newark, Delaware; and, of course, Los Angeles, California (my favorite)! I've also spent a couple of months in both Hong Kong and several Städte in Germany.
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Tell us about your family. How do you feel about relocating?: I have several siblings, but, am not close to any of them...something I wish could have been different. I can share more about that in personal conversation.


As smoggy, congested and expensive as Los Angeles is, I really enjoy life here. By far, though, the greatest enjoyment with which I've been graced is, of course, being interwoven with my current local church family! Second to that is my intent to remain as geographically stable as possible for my son's benefit. Lastly is affection for the ocean, mountains and moderate clime.


So, for these (mostly) important reasons, relocation is pretty much not do-able.) This, like many things in life, is subject to change...
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Is there anything that the questionnaire didn’t cover?: Coupla things:

1) I have a beautiful, bright, energetic little boy, who lives with me part-time. (And, I firmly believe in patient, loving discipline as Biblical imperative, per Proverbs 23:13-14; 22:15; 13:24; 29:15 & 17; 19:18.)

2) I'm convinced most minor theological differences can be easily tolerated or worked through in any loving, Christ-honoring relationship, and therefore need not be the hill on which a budding relationship must die.

With that said -and this need not be a fatal disclaimer, but- on a certain few theological points, I humbly, cautiously take issue with several of our Reformation forebears. It's been my experience that not all "Reformed" women are okay with this, so kindly be advised. [And if you're Pentecostal or Charismatic, you might want to be advised, too...though for somewhat different reasons explained elsewhere on this blog. Go ahead...click around to find out what I'm all about. ]
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[Dec. 2010 update: I recently had the idea of adding my profile data (worthless though it may be) from yet another of my choice "intro sites"...]

Describe the type of relationship you are looking for. What qualities would you like in this relationship or person? Are you seeking a particular age range?
Hey there, I'm IB. Carlos. (c:

"Marriage-Minded" is the most accurate term to describe my purpose for using this site. I’m seeking fun-filled, mutually edifying, painfully transparent, self-sacrificing relationship. (I prefer "courtship" over the more popular idea of "dating." But, I realize some consider that a matter of semantics, so...definitely a negotiable detail.)

Whom do I seek? ...a reasonably attractive (20s to 30s -ish) gal who literally would die for Christ. Gotta have a genuine love for Scripture and be actively battling her own sinfulness. Is teachable. A true "help-meet;" willing to work outside the home if/when necessary, but with a strong preference to focus on family & home. (In other words: doesn't scorn the fact that God's highest calling(s) for women are "wife" & "mother.") Content with simpler living. Open to virtually any cultural context -- from a mud hut in Beru Hagia, to a mansion in Beverly Hills. Mature enough to love my boy as her own. Values consistent, faithful church involvement(not merely attendance, but loyal, ongoing, service & inter-dependence...not using the Internet as a substitute). Health & fitness-oriented(!)

"…as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies…For no one ever hated his own flesh…" "Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the LORD. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church…as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands."

By the way: I think real men prefer to take the lead -- at least I do. (c: It’s *perfectly* fine to help us notice you, in case we missed or rushed past your profile a bit too quickly. (Which I admit I sometimes do.) For this, I think a wink is cool, but not IM. (c: From that point on, though, I think it's best to simply let a guy respond --or not-- as he may be inclined.

(NOTE: Please forgive my bluntness, but, my life is already choc full o' "friends" (mine is a very large church, where I regularly enjoy the fellowship of numerous Godly folks)! Also, I usually pass over profiles without a few very clear pictures. Forgive me, but, this on-line thing is challenging enough as it is. Why make it any tougher?)
Describe a little of your personality and character traits. (Are you funny, laid back, more serious, open, shy, etc.?)
I just turned 39. And, like fine wine, feel I'm "bettering" with time. (By God's Grace!)

In a nutshell, I'm a *Biblical* Christian with a heart for sound doctrine. Guess you could say promoting an accurate understanding of Scripture is my greatest passion! Absolutely everything else --all Christian Love & Life-- is properly informed by & properly flows from that.

Somewhat by contrast, my personality is naturally comedic. Friends say I can be a real clown, am smart, a good listener & conversationalist. And they recognize my passion for Biblical fidelity (something many of them share).

So, you might say I’m an eclectic mix of laugh-out-loud comedy and deadly-serious theology. (Man ...sure hope that doesn't sound intimidating!)

A partial list of things I enjoy include: singing, spontaneous playfulness, leaving dishes in the sink, sometimes (c; and having virtually all manner of new experiences, both indoors & out. Heck, I’m open to trying virtually anything...once! I'm equally comfortable camping, hiking or cycling as I am cuddling (yep, I said it) on the couch with snacks and a good movie. (Not before the proper time, of course!)

Professionally, I'm not your typical "driven-to-succeed" or extremely ambitious type. (I'd be sure to disappoint those seeking a "Type-A/CEO" guy). I am fully aware of my financial responsibilities and strive to over-deliver on them. But, climbing social/professional ladders and aggressive business networking is far less important to me than focusing on my family.

The chief goal I have for my loved ones is to build up their spiritual health -- along with that of the larger Body of Christ. In light of that, I seek to live simply -though not necessarily spartanly- choosing not to pursue ever-increasing luxury, but rather a life that honors Christ down to the very details.
Describe your Christian faith. Where are you at and what are your goals? What Scripture verses are important to you?
Aaahh...now we get down to what matters most. (This section should be listed first, IMHO.)

This vaporous life would be literally, absolutely worthless without the humbling, awe-inspiring Mercy and Grace of The Astounding YHWH!

Having been born dead in my trespasses & sins, I could not --of my own volition-- respond to God’s urgent call to repentance & exercise Saving Faith, much like a cadaver cannot respond to a bugle call...

I now can and do Love Christ only because He first Loved me - and chose me before laying the foundations of the universe! And so, due to the Supreme, Irrevocable Gift of Saving Faith He has Sovereignly granted me, my Faith in Christ now defines me. Without Him, I am absolutely nothing!

Now, since being Graciously regenerated unto Salvation, my life has begun to produce works of righteousness (aka: "obedience," albeit imperfect) to His Revealed Will. This affords me the assurance of a genuine Work of God wrought in the heart. Oh, the sweet & blessed work of Believers' sanctification! (Philip. 1:6)

Consequently, His command --the Great Commission-- is one I take seriously. I delight in pointing others toward this life-saving Gospel Truth. Primarily in word, secondarily in deed.

"How then will they call on him in whom they have not believed? And how are they to believe in him of whom they have never heard? And how are they to hear without someone preaching? ~Romans 10:14 (ESV)

~ ~ ~
Speaking of Fav verses...let's see, now, um...:

[REDACTED; see above post for this info...]
What would be the perfect setting for a first meeting with a new friend or date? Describe it :-)
Okay, so...I'm pretty open with this one. I could certainly take the lead, but...perhaps dinner, a simple cup o’ java, or even some exploratory adventure. Either would suffice for a first encounter.

'Course I fully expect it to be laced with scintillating conversation - both delightfully trivial and deeply profound - and hopefully filled with mutually memorable, Christ-honoring moments!
What are your favorite activities? (Including sports, leisure, artistic/musical, etc.)
Reading/studying; singing; watching films; listening to classic hymns, jazz, euro-classical, "world," & techno-pop music...even a lil' Redeemed Hip-Hop; spending quality time with loved ones; cycling; camping; doing volunteer ministry; learning the Truth of Scripture!
Describe your current occupation. Do you like what you do? What is your dream job?
I’ve been working in corporate administration for several years, most recently in sales support for a leading national tax advisory firm. I’m also slowly building a home-based business, which I hope will one day enable me to devote much more time to serving my immediate family & The Church at large.
Where did you go to school (i.e. high school or college/university, etc.)? What did you study? Did you like it? Would you like to do more?
Attended grade-school in Minnesota.

Went on to earn a BS in Mass Media Communications at a "Christian" University in Tulsa, Oklahoma. My alma matter is widely-known for its Word of Faith / Hyper-Charismatic associations. It's important to note that I no longer associate with the decidedly aberrant “brand” of theology largely represented there.

As yet, I have no set plans for further education, but am *considering* the possibility of such. If anything, it would be seminary...though I doubt I'm really cut out for it, frankly. I ain't gots da best studyin' skilz. )c:
What are some of your personal goals in life?
- Engaged in the life-long instruction and leadership of my family - by precept and by example - in the Ways of the LORD
- Hopefully remarried and with 1 or more new chit'lins. (A baby girl would be nice!)
- Hopefully having succeeded at building my own home-based business and transitioning from the work-force to possible vocational or volunteer ministry
- Gettin' some travel in there would be a nice bonus, too...
How did your previous relationship end and what positive lessons have you learned which will help you succeed in future relationships?
As for exactly how it ended; that would be best saved for more personal communication. (Definitely not an answer for such a "public" space.) I will say this, though: according to Scripture, divorce is only a valid option under two circumstances - hard-hearted adultery, and unBeliever abandonment; mine included both.

As for what I learned:

1) To be clear about what’s most important to me in a wife & helper.
2) More importantly, that:
- the LORD is truly, Absolutely Sovereign in all things
- no matter how careful one is, one simply cannot control nor always foresee the "unfavorable" outcomes (consequently, my trust in Him has grown immeasurably)
- just like my ex-wife – who left out of disobedience to the Will of God (clearly revealed in His Word) – I, too, am prone to disobey at times. But I'm grateful to be shored up by His is Omnipotent Hand, which will preserve me 'til the end!
Where were you born? Have you ever traveled? If so, where? What is your ideal adventure?
Born and raised in Minneapolis, Minnesota. (I know, pretty cold up there...brrrr, gives me chills just thinkin’ of it) I’ve since lived in Delaware, Illinois, Oklahoma (and of course, California), and have spent some time in Hong Kong and about 5 different towns in Germany.

I’d REALLY like to spend at least one or two weeks of my life (perhaps every few years, even) on a warm, calm beach in the Cayman Islands before I leave this earth. Without a computer or a phone. Or shoes. (c:

It would also be great to do things like travel the US by RV (hit all those famous landmarks I’ve often sped past), and ultimately visit my mother’s home town in Italy. (A thousand cool-points if you can guess the city. (c:)
Is there anything else you would like to add? This is your chance to get in that last (but not least:-) bit of important info that you would like others to know.
Wow! If you've read this far...you're exceptional! So, a coupla closing thoughts:

As you can see, I'm divorced. But, as someone who endeavors to live according to the clear teaching of God's Word, I wouldn't be if it had not clearly fallen within Biblical guidelines. According to this, and the Godly pastoral & peer counsel from my church, my conscience is clear. (If, however, you're divorced and cannot confidently say the same, then I would personally consider you unavailable.)

Though wife & husband are charged in Scripture to be mutually loving, respectful & supportive, I think it important to note that the Biblical concept of "help meet" (as the KJV poetically renders it) primarily describes what a woman is to her man. Not vice-versa. I'd love to discuss this further with interested persons. (c:

Thanks for reading my tome...and may our LORD continue to bless you!

PS.: I'm a paying subscriber through 1/11/11. (Beyond that, you might Providentially stumble across my name on the web somewhere...(c:)

Parting food for thought & a book recommendation:

"A diminished God and an enlarged man often results in a re-calibrated Gospel that seeks to save man not so much from the causeof the fall [sin against God] as the effects of the fall [hard labor & pain]..." ~Jonathan Leeman

Found: God's Will (Find the Direction and Purpose God Wants for Your Life) Author: John F. MacArthur; Publisher: David C. Cook
[This is one 64-page book that could very well change your life!]

[Final note: if I don't respond to a msg you send me, or at least view your profile, please accept my apologies, as, it simply means my time has expired...]

ibcarlos, Reformed thinker

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Comments on "for marriage prospects..."

 

Anonymous Anonymous said... (Thu Jun 14, 09:44:00 PM 2007) : 

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 

Anonymous Anonymous said... (Thu Jun 14, 09:45:00 PM 2007) : 

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 

Anonymous HeatherP said... (Wed Nov 14, 10:42:00 PM 2007) : 

Wow IB. Well, I know a sweet spirited friend in ABC, who I think I may need to send for coffee in your zip code.

 

Blogger ibcarlos said... (Thu Nov 15, 08:37:00 AM 2007) : 

I'm open to introductions...

 

Anonymous Anonymous said... (Thu Apr 10, 11:03:00 AM 2008) : 

LOL. Once again, I enjoyed reading your entire profile on marriage prospects. Have a fabulous day.

Tia

 

Blogger The White Wave said... (Tue Jan 26, 02:38:00 PM 2010) : 

You are an excellent communicator, and hilarious, too! After reading your profile and other writings, I feel more confidant in introducing you to my single, Godly, attractive peeps. (You know, we female peeps gotta look out for each other since there are so many creeps out there. And you are forever disregarded in the area of relationships if you make one bad recommendation!)

 

Blogger ibcarlos said... (Tue Jan 26, 02:46:00 PM 2010) : 

Girl...you're just too funny! Your blogger profile reads like a page (actually several pages) from Websters'. No doubt, intentionally, given your love for all things "lexicological."

Not sure I could compete with such verbal effervescence, myself!

Whelp...for the time being anyway, I'm still technically "available." So, feel free to hook a Brother up! (But kindly leave it at the intro, please. Sure would hate to "taint" friendships over a lack of attracted-ness...)

 

OpenID 0eth0s said... (Mon Nov 26, 12:00:00 PM 2012) : 

Hi Carlos, loved the text and the time you put into it. Read it and well, didn't weep but came close and would love to talk to you more...I am, well...

hopefull :)

Karen

 

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