one tiny soapbox: From Mei...
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Tuesday, July 26

From Mei...

Your hopes for my "understanding" are just that, hopes. However I don't remember asking for the "True Meaning of Life". I do recall that I typed being in seach of a "deeper" meaning or shall I say purpose for my life as it pertains to my current ministering. There is a burning inside of me that will not subside. A desire to learn Him more and share with others, the lessons He has taught me. I ask this question of you. Did you ask God for direction before answering the question, or did you type in your own thoughts on the situation I presented. (No need to respond to that, just a point to ponder.) You seem to be a pretty intellectual being and I "hope" that you will take a few moments to re-read my previous comments and again offer your thoughts.

The sheer delight of helping others is truly what motivates me to minister, however, what does that have to do with me feeling alone on this earth? It is in my rational that the two should go hand in hand. How hard it must be for one leader to follow and watch as others fall to the side. How lonely it must feel to be in a room full of unbelievers and believers alike, who choose, when and where they will serve and lift up God. I haven't seen any evidence in the Bible to support that leaders are not, at times alone. As a matter of fact, it is my belief that the Bible shows us leaders should take a crash course on being alone. Jesus, I believe showed us many times the importance of seperating ones self. I often find that it is when I am alone, that I hear God more clearly. However there are several instances in the Bible that one felt alone and inturn cried out to God and basically asked "Where are You?. (That is to say, did not "feel" Gods presence) Here's a thought, I have fallen to my knees, then to my face in front of thousand of people to worship my King, however I am ridiculed and made to feel lowly because of these actions. It is sometime in those moments I feel alone. I don't see why everyone in the room wouldn't bow down and worship Him the same as I. He is Glorious and Just. He is truly the reason why I sing. As a matter of fact, he is my song and before him I am humbled.

Thanks for the seeking for seekings sake advice, however that is not why I have come to your blog. Every great teacher, has been, at some point in life, a student. I have, however, at least come to the point where I am able to put away the sugar coated, carmel and whipped cream topped ideal I was raised with in reference to Who God Is and the "purpose" of ones life. This is where my search begins. Not for self discovery nor to lift up anything I've done in my life. All of which is smaller then a speck of dust.

Each page of biblical text I read leads to more questions. Again I say, the stuggles I deal with are not in the physical realm, but in the mental/spiritual.

Now again I pose this, My issue is learning to build my own mental stability so that I am better equipped to help others. I believe there is a process for this to take place. If you have re-read my first comment and hopefully you have, you will see that, that is the issue I presented to you.

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